How to Have a Pet Funeral or Celebration of life.

part 1 of the "How to Have a Pet Funeral or Celebration of Life" series

written by a person, not a computer

5 minute read

It it appropriate to have a celebration of life for a pet? YES. I cannot say that boldly enough! I am not a grief counselor, but I am certain that doing nothing, is the wrong thing. Ignoring the loss won’t make it go away. This is a major event for at least one family member, and likely for all of them. Having a ceremony of some kind will help begin the process of closure, healing, and moving forward.

The ceremony for a loved one who has passed can have different names with celebration of life, and funeral being the top choices. Though often used interchangeably, these terms have different meanings and intentions. Both do honor the deceased and create a space for feeling sad, but differ in how the living feel afterwards. While traditional, a funeral focuses more on the final inevitable tragedy at the end of a life. By contrast, a celebration of life also reviews a lifetime, but with an attitude of gratefulness that they existed. It focuses on the the hundreds of delights we shared, rather than the one final sorrow. A celebration is the way to go.

Celebrations of life for our four legged family typically look a bit different. Often human ceremonies like this are held in the faith traditions of the deceased. However, pets usually don’t participate fully in their larger families faith, so these practices are presented as more spiritual, rather than religious. If you’re confident in your pet’s faith, then of course alter any idea to suit their needs.

Whether you are scattering ashes, having a burial, or just saying goodbye, someone will need to act as the informal officiant, to declare the parts of the service, and invite others to participate as appropriate. It may be easier to have someone who is not actively grieving fulfill this role. Some families have a large circle of trusted friends or relatives locally who could perform this role, but many don’t. I suspect most celebrations will just be your immediate family, and that since you are the reader, that officiant is likely you.

Setting the space

This isn’t a daily occurrence, and shouldn’t feel like one. Locations where celebrations of life are typically held, funeral homes, churches, and cemeteries, go to great lengths to make their spaces feel sacred, fancy, and special. Your home or yard likely isn’t like one of these stunning, yet contrived spaces, but I still encourage you to alter the space a bit for this unique event.

Inside celebrations, the physical space

If inside, move your dining table to the center of a room where everyone can stand around it. Maybe choose some fabric that seems special to use as a tablecloth, or perhaps folded as a pad for the urn, or the pet you will be burying. Put them right on the table. Part of what can make a dining table an heirloom is the memories that surround it. Most of those memories are joyous, but some go beyond and are sacred.

Many families have a box of candles or tea lights squirreled away. Get them out. Having your ceremony lit with dozens of flickering flames is more special than fluorescents. If it can be done safely, surround the urn or deceased with candles, it will be much more special and memorable.

Outside celebrations, the physical space

Outside, conditions vary. If they are favorable on your day, I still encourage the use of candles, votives, or tea-lights. You can further and easily protect little flames by putting each one in a small drinking glass. My local housewares charity store has an entire aisle of glassware they are practically giving away. Another option to make the space special is making a nature mandala. This is a temporary, usually circular pattern, symbol, or shape composed of natural materials. The family can work together to make one, or each participant can make their own as a tribute to the deceased, and as a metaphor for the impermanence of life.

If you are burying your pet in the yard, (see this post for guidelines), you can make the hole dramatically more attractive by lining the edge with the lights. The bottom of the hole can feature some simple cotton cloth. The mandala, if you choose to create one, can be at the head of the grave, or even inside on the cloth.

Setting the Intentions

Outside or in, remind the participants of the purpose of your gathering. They should know that the goal is...

-to celebrate a life well lived

-to tell funny stories

-to appreciate their beauty, both in body and spirit

-to feel sad, but in a happy kind of way

-to express gratitude for the joy they brought us

-to perhaps release a spirit

-to signal the closing of a phase of life and begin a new one

Equally important is the expectation that the living are encouraged to express their feelings in this safe space, that crying is expected and welcome. This may be especially important for males, most of whom have received the social conditioning message that they are not supposed to cry. Regardless of gender many people believe it isn't ok to cry in public, near their children, or to talk while weeping. This event turns all of that upside down, it is very appropriate to express emotions, and model that for children.

Now that we have a setting and intentions, it is time to move to part 2, what is actually said in a pet eulogy.