part 5 of the "How to Have a Pet Funeral or Celebration of Life" series
written by a person, not a computer
7 minute read
Their are many parts to fully processing the death of a pet and memorializing them.
In part 1, we learned about setting the intentions for pet funeral, and how to physically set up the space.
In part 2, we learned about what to say in a pet eulogy.
In part 3, we covered how to have a spirit release ceremony for a pet.
In part 4, we covered how to actually bury your pet safely at home.
At last today we will review the ways to permanently and fondly remember our lost four legged family, with official memorials, and spiritual practices.
Pet Memorial Types
There are many types of memorial products, but most fit into several broad categories. Working in the dog world, the memorial world, and having the past that I do, I am well placed to tell you the pros and cons of many different memorial products and practices. Whatever your beliefs or budget, there are ways to help honor a deceased pet.
Outdoor Gravestones for Pets
The classic choice, made of granite, 2-6 inches thick, these are customizable, last for hundreds of years, and are timeless. They can be laid flat in the ground or stand upright. It's great choice if you have family land, and want a specific place to visit. But there are drawbacks as well.
Businesses that carve tombstones do not adjust their pricing for pets. The entry level cost is high, at least $300 for small and simple stone, and the price will shoot to 4 figures quickly. The second drawback is a consequence of their enduring durability. Granite is extremely strong, and also weighs 160 lbs per cubic foot. Even a small stone can be 300-500 lbs, beyond the ability of most to move.
A bronze foot stone is another option, these lay flat, never upright. It will last far beyond your lifetime, won't rust, fits neatly in the ground so a mower can pass over it, and is customized. They typically start at 12 x 24 inches and while heavy, are easier to transport than something made of granite. However, they are very expensive. You won't find a real one for less than $2000.
Indoor Gravestones for Pets
Drawing on the classic permanence of a granite headstone, this is an indoor version made of granite tiles, ceramic tile, or concrete. This is a portable gravestone that doesn't get set on a grave.
Benefits include customization, far less cost, and the ability to set it easily on this shelf, or that shelf. If you put these outside, they will degrade, and be very dirty, very quickly. Kept indoors they can last forever, make sure you find one that matches your home decor, not everyone likes the look of shiny black granite or raw concrete in their family room.
Classic Pet Funeral Urn
An urn is a vase with a lid for storing remains. Frequently a simple urn is included in your pet’s cremation package. Typically funeral urns are made of ceramic, glass, or metal and most are in the sixty to four hundred dollar range. Though not typically customizable due to the round shape, they can be attractive objects on their own. Many times urns end up in the closet or attic, as they contain something sacred, but also a depressing reminder of loss. To some, it is like storing a coffin in the living room.
Pet Memorial Jewelry
Jewelry urns are usually necklaces that hold a very small amount of cremains, or have ashes contained in a manufactured “stone” of some kind. They are available at all price points and styles. People like being able to keep a small amount of cremains and scatter the rest. Like any jewelry, cost is quality, and those with sensitive skin may not enjoy wearing it despite the emotional connection.
Pet Memorial Plaque
This is what I make, modern, colorful, artist grade memorials from local wood, bright colors, and a small amount of cremains. I invented this when I discovered that there were no products in this space that celebrated life, just ones that reminded of loss. Fully customizable and made from durable hardwood, they will last a lifetime. However, they are not traditional and not everyone enjoys color.
Exotic Memorials and Taxidermy
There are all kinds of unique memorials that may not be right for you, but someone out there is thrilled by these ideas. You can have pet cremains…shot into space, added to a coral reef, pressed into a manufactured diamond, or loaded into shotgun shells.
There is also a modern taxidermy movement for your pet. Again, this isn't for everyone. You can choose to professionally preserve your pet in its entirety, just the skeleton, just specific bones, just the tail, ear, paws, or pelt. Your pet can be fully preserved and posed like a diorama in a natural history museum. The flesh free skeleton can be returned to you artfully arranged, or posed, like they are jumping for a treat.
It takes months to over a year for some of these services as it takes the flesh eating beetles a while to do their work, and the posing of skeleton is specialized work. And it's expensive. Plan on a few hundred to get an ear back, and at least $2000 and over a year for a complete skeleton.
Honoring a Deceased Pet
There are so many ways to maintain connection with your four legged family, some ideas are below, but I’ll take a moment to tell you of one way that occurs spontaneously. They visit you in your dreams. More often at first, and then spread out over time. Often vivid and memorable, pets who visit you are healthy, calm, and seek to assure you of their love and happiness in the dream. They seem to visit on their own schedule, and still can visit decades after their passing.
While an official memorial product is a common purchase, there are many other methods of honoring those who have passed on.
Create a memorial garden
If you had a burial or scattered ashes you can create a memorial garden in the location. This is a great way to create a space that you will visit and care for frequently. I think the metaphor of renewal is excellent for trees and perennials, less so for annuals. When using cremains, keep in mind that they have no nutritional benefit to a plant, so you’ll still need healthy soil. If you are not an experienced gardener maybe consult a local nursery for what will do well in your yard’s soil and sunlight.
Go for a Walk
Go for a walk that you used to share. You may need to bring a friend, and/or be in the right state of mind, and may choose to subtly scatter ashes. Focus on celebrating the time you had together, not that that time is now over.
Practice Their Values
Practice their values, sometimes used with an admired parental figure this can be done with a pet. Probably the best quality of any pet is their unconditional love. Reflect on how you might greet your loved ones, show enthusiasm, or quietly provide solace to someone who needs it in the manner of your four legged family. Maybe don’t add extensive butt sniffing, or an unhinged freak out when the mail arrives.
Charitable Donation
Another technique borrowed from our world is to make a charitable donation. There is no shortage of good animal causes. If you favor a specific breed most have a non-profit dedicated to their rescue and rehab. If not, any local shelter or pound is grateful for your donation of cash, unused supplies, or sealed food. The donation you make will absolutely make a difference in the life of another family's loved one. A local shelter may not be able to take a preowned bed or half a bag of food, but FB marketplace can be a great way to make even those supplies have another life.
Volunteer
Related to charitable donations, volunteering your time at a local shelter or rescue provides pets, and you some valuable skin on fur time. Most welcome an experienced handler to walk dogs or cuddle cats. For some the temptation is strong to obtain a new fur baby quickly. This is a way you can get the pet exposure you may crave while healing from your loss. You may even fall in love anew with a pet or breed you may not have ever considered.
Acknowledge Landmarks
Acknowledging landmark dates of their birth, adoption, or passing, may be challenging but important. It is my hope that you have experienced significant healing by the time their birthday rolls around. If you’re up to it, plan something fun that day that celebrates their life and the times you shared. Take a picnic and a friend to the open space or go to the dog park with your earbuds and an indulgent coffee. Write a letter to them expressing your feelings at the time and assuring them that you are healing. Or, it may be a day to binge a favorite show with a pint of ice cream. Whatever you choose, know that you may be riding an emotional roller coaster that day, and that your feelings are ok.
Altars
Creating an altar or shrine of curated items is common in many traditions. It need not be giant, made of gold or fancy, but for some it is a great way to display the most important artifacts of your time together. Common items include photos, candles, collars, and letters to the deceased, ultimately anything you think is important can be included. Some people may light a candle and use this sacred space to commune with the deceased, others to remember and celebrate. I encourage you to find ways to make it positive.
Regardless of the method you choose to help yourself heal from the loss of your four legged family, I hope that these ideas help you. I am truly sorry for your loss.
written by Peter of Pawsitive Memorials
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